Santa Forced To Postpone Christmas After Rudolph the Reindeer Tears ACL (Satire)


Santa Claus speaks at a press conference

Bag Levarnca, Writer


Saying that he was left with no alternative after the loss of his most valuable reindeer, Santa Claus announced yesterday that Christmas this year will be postponed due to Rudolph the Reindeer tearing his ACL.

“The doctors have said there’s no way Rudolph will be healthy enough even to walk on December 25, so I had to make the difficult decision to postpone Christmas this year,” said Santa.

According to sources familiar with the situation, Rudolph suffered this injury during a training exercise in which the reindeer leap from roof to roof in order to simulate Christmas morning.  Rudolph momentarily lost his concentration and crashed into a chimney, with his leg bearing the brunt of the impact.  There aren’t any hospitals around the North Pole, so Rudolph had to be airlifted to a hospital in Sweden, where he underwent reconstruction surgery.  He is currently undergoing extensive physical therapy.

In a statement to the press, Rudolph said that he was in a lot of pain, but that he was working hard to recuperate.  He also apologized for the inconvenience that his injury had caused.

When pressed for specifics about when Christmas will come, Santa pointed out that the recovery time for reindeer ACL tears is usually about 8 months, which would potentially postpone Christmas until next August.  Santa once again apologized for this delay, but reiterated that he would be unable to safely deliver presents in a variety of weather conditions without the light from Rudolph’s nose.

Santa has only had to postpone Christmas twice before.  The first time came in 1922, when a number of reindeer were arrested for violating Prohibition after being discovered in a local speakeasy; the second time came in 1970, when Santa was drafted into the military during the Vietnam War.

At press time, Santa had realized that he could replace Rudolph by taping a light bulb onto another reindeer’s nose, and announced that Christmas would come on December 25 after all.