18 years ago, I was born in the greatest country on Earth. I plan to die in the greatest country on Earth too.

Fun facts about me:

• Riding a bike was always too easy for me, so I never learned how to do it.
• I was born in a van on the way to the hospital (that’s how I got my name).
• My only clothing is “Make America Great Again” merchandise.
• My favorite drink is Super Male Vitality™ serum available for purchase here.
• I hate product placement.
• The van didn’t have an engine.