I know we mock them, but sometimes even freshmen need a little sympathy. Especially those in the second trimester of CEMS English 9. Anyone who took it, or is currently in it knows they have to read Frankenstein by Mary Shelley. An experience that very few in my block class enjoyed. No one really was invested in the story, the language is over 150 years old, and let’s face it, no one likes reading books as a class. Which is why I am summarizing the entire book here, so you don’t suffer like the rest of us. (There may be some unhelpful, but hopefully entertaining commentary as well). Well, here goes nothing.

First off, ignore the letters because they don’t actually matter. Anyways, we are first introduced to Victor Frankenstein, a precocious little whiner who thinks nothing bad could ever happen to his family. Oh by the way, his family is made up of his mom, dad (Alphonse), adopted sister-cousin-fiance-friend person (Elizabeth), and some siblings (Only William matters). Back to the plot, Victor’s mom dies, and he goes to England to study natural philosophy. Victor abandoned his only friend, Henry, when he left for university. Henry would’ve gone, but his father said no (poor Henry).

So, since his family and friends are halfway across Europe, you would probably say he’s lonely. You’d be right, why else would he create The Monster (yes, it is The Monster, not Frankenstein) out of dead people parts he stole from funeral homes? (It’s not that weird, the man just wants a friend). However, his plan didn’t quite work because the first thing The Monster does is attempt to strangle Victor in his sleep (but hey, a murderous friend is better than no friends right?). Which makes him scream and run away like a little girl. Henry (he’s made it!) has to nurse Victor back to health since near-death experiences apparently makes you feverish and ill (that never happens to me, but ok). After his recovery, Victor finds out William is dead and head back home. They try to blame the death on this Justine person who lived with them at some point, I think? Even though Victor tries to prove her innocence (because he thinks he knows who the real culprit is) Justine is tried and executed. As is his natural reaction, Victor runs away like a little girl away from his problems. This time to the mountains. That’ll be relaxing, right?

Nope, The Monster (bet you forgot about him, right?) follows him, admits to the murder (Victor was right!), and demands Victor create a female companion for him. Apparently, no one else loves him, not even his creator (I mean, he’s ugly, violent, and creepy) which is revealed through too long of a back story I don’t really want to summarize (not like it matters anyway). Just know he was beaten, scorned, and chased with fire before he was driven to murder. Victor refuses to create another monster, then agrees (thanks to the power of threats), then runs away (again, like a little girl) to Scotland with Henry. He starts making another monster, then stops (existential crisis) and throws her into a lake. The Monster is, of course, upset and vows he will be with Victor on his wedding night (what could that mean?). But first, another murder. This time, Henry is dead. Victor is blamed since he was found near the scene. Eventually, he’s acquitted after being sick in jail for months (I honestly believe they just couldn’t deal with him anymore).

Wedding time! On his wedding night (He’s back in Geneva by now), Victor sends Elizabeth away because he can’t bear the thought of her watching him be murdered. However Victor is an idiot, because The Monster obviously meant he was going to murder Elizabeth. Which he does. This results in Alphonse dying from grief, so now Victor is well and truly alone. For once, he doesn’t run away like a little girl, this time he runs away like a man, chasing The Monster to the North Pole. When Victor almost catches up, the ice splits ending the dramatic chase in an equally climatic way. Victor ends up dying on a boat, after telling this tale to the ship’s captain (author of those pointless letters I mentioned). The Monster then shows up, crys over Victor’s dead body, then decides to end his own suffering. End of story.

There, I did it. You’re welcome freshmen.