As a sophomore in APUSH, I’ve gotten to meet one of the arguably most interesting teachers I’ve ever had: Ms. Towne. This is a list of memorable quotes from her class that perfectly demonstrate her quirky personality. I hope you enjoy!

*Grabs a yardstick* “Ah-ha! I’ve got a stick!”

“Rub some dirt in it.”

“Ferdibella- the power couple of 1492.”

(about the colonists)”Burn more boats!”

“Eli Whitney: Destroyer of Worlds.”

“‘Touché,’ says Ben Franklin.”

“It’s bacon-molasses flavored.”

“I make hats, and you like my hats… we need a hat act.”

“What’s a better reason to go to war? ‘Life, liberty, freedom- hats!'”

“No one’s ever happy.”

“Yeah, Patrick Henry, you should just stop.”

“Food givers and loan officers” = parents

*after picking up a stapler and failing to shoot staples at the wall* “Careful! I have something in my hand I can throw at you!”

“I turn on the TV and see all the Stupid People Tricks, such as ‘buffalo taunters and shark petters’.”

“I’m a cow person.”

“When the cat’s away, there’s a leadership vacuum.”

“If aliens take over the world, it will end unless Will Smith is involved.” [class talking] “Oh yeah! Or his son.”

“The Bostoneers have arrived!”

“The dingo is going to eat the baby!”

“Just go mount your cardboard cutout and walk away.”

“Last quote guy does not get invited to the office Christmas party- ‘Someone’s choking on the punch!’ ‘What are your last words?’ ‘Glub glub.'”

“It’s always the parents.”

(George Washington to the French in events leading up to the 7 Years War) “Can you guys leave?” “Non!” “I don’t speak French!”

“Y’all need to stop.”

“Ben Franklin was quite the player.”

(from Monty Python and the Holy Grail) “Bring out your dead!”

“You’re all icky, then!”

(About the founding fathers) “They couldn’t make paper airplanes and throw them at Hamilton.”

“If you close your eyes they don’t see you.”

*Sneeze* “They always come in twos…” *awkward silence* “Nope.”

(referring to rugby) “I never got arrested for hitting people.”

“Chocolate-bacon Axe.”

“Look forward to adulthood, people.”

“Boston is stupid.”

“Government… constitution… nail gun…”

“My God! You are not taxing my tenders!”

*Imitating students* “I’ve cheated on 4 other tests… now you’re mad?”

“Don’t touch that- it has ebola!”

“I’ve given up on humanity- that’s why I’m a teacher.”

“I like to call the Declaratory Act the ‘Who’s Your Daddy?’ Act.”

“And you know what Americans do when we’re upset?” *flips desk* “Auughhhhh!”

*Casually takes students’ things and leaves the classroom*