In recent days, clowns have been taking over Blaine.  It started with a social media craze about clowns invading Roosevelt Middle School and escalated into an enormous spread of rumors about clowns banging on windows, hiding in woods, and dancing in people’s yards.  Clowns are now more feared in Blaine than pretty much anything else.

But what do clowns have to say about it?  Are clowns maniacs who want to harm people?  Or are they just normal people with odd behaviors?  We decided to find out.

After school on October 10, the two of us went out searching for clowns.  It didn’t take long for us to find one hanging out in the woods behind the Cub Foods in Blaine.  We approached him cautiously, afraid that at any moment he might take out an axe and start chasing us.  Luckily, he never did.  After we explained who we were, the clown told us his name was Blinky Baggy Pants.  He agreed to let us interview him.  Our interview went as follows:

Us:  Blinky, why are you dressed up as a clown?

Blinky:  My outfit is a way of expressing my personality.

Us:  Why are you in the woods?

Blinky:  This is how I meditate.  Wandering about these woods, with nothing on my mind, is where I can truly reflect on life.

Us:  What else do you do with your time?  

Blinky:  I like going house to house at night and watching people while they are sleeping.  It gives me a feeling of calm and serenity.  I like driving a white van around neighborhoods for that same reason.  

Us:  For real?

Blinky:  Yes.  That’s my way of life.  It leads me to a life that is quiet and peaceful.  It is the only way to live.

Us:  Don’t you realize that you could potentially scare the crap out of someone?

Blinky:  By doing what?

Us:  Everything!  Hasn’t it occurred to you that looking through people’s windows while they’re sleeping is something that a murderer would do?

Blinky:  I don’t know what you’re talking about.  I would like to feel that someone was watching over me while I sleep.   

Us:  How do they know that that’s all that you’re doing?

Blinky:  One time, I was watching someone through their window when they randomly pointed out the window and screamed.  They must have seen something off in the distance that scared them.  I immediately turned and charged off to find whatever they were frightened by.

Us:  Don’t you think that they might have been scared by you?

Blinky:  I hope not.  I never found whatever scared them, although I did hear police sirens nearby.  So I’m hoping the cops caught it.

Us:  Amazing.  Ever looked at the internet?  Haven’t you seen what people are saying about people like you?

Blinky:  What’s the internet?

Us:  Never mind.  Do you ever get the impression that people don’t like you?

Blinky:  You know, it’s funny you would say that.  Yesterday, I walked into Wal-Mart and hollered, “Who wants to be my friend?”  Everyone ran to the other side of the store.  And I don’t understand it.  Nobody wants to be my friend.  Why don’t people seem to like me?  How could they not understand who I really am?

Us:  What a ridiculous thought.

Blinky:  For me, being a clown is a way of life. It is meditative and calm.  I am a nice guy who loves people.  I don’t see why everyone doesn’t realize that.

Us:  And a clueless person, too.  Thanks for your time, Blinky.

Blinky:  No problem.

Thus ended our conversation.  Blinky gave us a couple of nose honkers as a parting gift.