The student news site of Blaine High School.

Trump University Course Receives Rave Reviews

Enrollment Numbers Up!

March 16, 2016


Donald Trump seems to just keep on winning. Although his namesake university, Trump University, has come under fire for being an outright scam, the class, Marketing 101, has already received acclaim.

When asked to comment, Trump stated, “I’ve had so many people call me and tell me that I am doing a very tremendous job teaching students. We have a very real tremendous problem with–just like with our country, have you heard of how many immigrants come to our country? We have to make our country great again–our education system. But I am a tremendous teacher–everyone can learn from me. People are always calling me and telling me that I am very real leader who is a winner.”

The class, taught by Dr. Trump Ph.D., U.M.B., teaches many of the techniques Trump uses to market himself on the campaign trail. Students are frequently brought onto the campaign trail to experience the Professor in the field. Students who complete the class are guaranteed to be “winners.”

Lectures are given through rants, and notes are taken in the exclusive TRUMPnotes!™ style. Socratic seminars and class discussions were briefly used, but students complained they were being cut off too much by the Professor, so were replaced with Trumpatic Seminars™.

Students have been coming in droves to take the course. Even RateMyProfessor has the class at a 4.9 rating.

One student was an executive from the oil company, Exxon. The executive loved the way Trump could spiew outright lies: “Lying effectively is the main thing I have taken away from this class, and I really think that it is something that Exxon can use. Our Global Warming denial department has already been using some of the Professor’s techniques, but Trump has taught me some unique techniques we have yet to use.”

Another student, an advertising director for Camel Cigarettes, was excited to use what he has learned in class. He remarked, “Our under-18 demographic has had some slow growth the past couple of years, but this class has given me the opportunity to change that. Focusing on buzzwords like winning and the greatness of America has cigarette-selling-to-children potential.”

The director then retracted his statement, stating, “Camel Cigarettes does not attempt to sell to children. I had a bad mouthpiece when I said that, so it sounded like I said that, but I really didn’t,” then filed a lawsuit against this news organization.

Leave a Comment

BHS Blueprint • Copyright 2021 • FLEX WordPress Theme by SNOLog in

Comments (0)

All BHS Blueprint Picks Reader Picks Sort: Newest